I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned this on the blog explicitly, though I am sure I have told some of you over msn- I am obsessive-compulsive.
What this means, for me, is that everything I do must retain a certain amount of symmetry. For instance, if I step on a crack while I am walking, I must step on a crack with the other foot in the same spot, or it won't feel "right." When things don't have this certain symmetry to them, it drives me up the wall. It also means I take forever doing my laundry >_> especially the socks.
The other thing the disorder does is it puts strange thoughts in my head sometimes >_> Like, I'll think "I CAN do this, not that I ever would, and these would be the consequences..." and then later I'll be like, so why do I care? I don't really, but there's not much I can do to stop the thoughts. I think that the difference between this and depression is that the thoughts are not necessarily dark or depressing. They are just there, pointless and unwanted.
The reason I don't see a therapist about this is.. well, frankly, I just don't want to. But that's not the only reason. The disorder tends to make me strive toward perfection in my schoolwork, and I'm kind of afraid what would happen if I started medication to make it go away.
You should also know that I have never told anyone what is in those last two paragraphs, and I'm still not sure whether or not I want to leave this posted...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
I'm going to say I can identify, and I'm going to leave it at that, because I think your post says it all.
PS - You're right. Starting medication for a mental condition will often take away any benefit the condition may bring. So long as you're surviving and happy, I see no reason to seek out medicine. Maybe a little therapy would help, though.
I am also OCD...sometimes it gets very frustrating, so I can def relate.. but I agree that I would nto want to lose it, because my striving for organization in my life is somethign i would shudder to think of not having...
Lots of love,
Ryan
I quite like my OCD. It involves washing and wiping everything that i eat off or out of or drink from. I also have to have my TV volume set to certain numbers. It's a bizarre pattern so don't ask. :P I also wipe my mouth a lot.
The good thing is that i'm very conscious of spelling and grammar and punctuation. I understand words and how they work and flow together really well. I think that's part of my OCD; I strive to make what i write as perfect as possible. It's probably part of why i'm such a good writer. Not to boast tho. :P
Anyways, my psychologist wants me to fight my obsessive compulsive ways. Because it involves the same sort of anxious behaviour as the other disorders i have. And since my OCD began (and i'm pretty sure i've pinpointed when) it has escalated - wiping -> washing and wiping -> scrubbing, washing, wiping till it's completely dry, etc. And as my psychologist says "It won't be long before you go from washing and wiping to having to run things through the dsihwasher 6 times before you eat off it and pick something up and put it down 20 times before you'll drink from it". And i believe her.
It's all anxiety driven because when you feel anxious you revert to behaviours that make you feel more comfortable. That's true for the 3 disorders that i have, so for me, it's important that i have to fight my OCD too, even if i do somewhat like it.
love :)
dishwasher* >.<
It sounds like fairly mild OCD. As long as it's not interfering with your life and how you go about your day, don't worry about it.
There is nothing to be ashamed about, and I'm glad you were able to share that with us. Medication does help, in some ways - and in many ways it will do nothing. Yes, you strive for perfection, and that's a good thing, OCD or not - and medication won't change that. I'm not suggesting either way, the choice would be yours, but as others said, the anxiety and frustration that come from your OCD symptoms can be very difficult, and you need to address those.
*hugs*
Yes mboy, my thermostat and volume controls are all set to even numbers... preferably powers of two (2, 4, 8, 16, etc) because cutting them in half gives another even number until you are down to the number 1.
My OCD manifests mostly in arrangement of items.
When I am arranging books on my bookshelves at home, all books must be in order of height, tallest to shortest.
At school it gets even more complicated. They are arranged by reading series first, then by reading level, then by height. Given that I teach middle schoolers, it is safe to assume that my book arrangement won't last past the first day. I have learned to be more lax on that need for arrangement in the classroom. (Believe me, it took some work.)
I frequently am rearranging furniture in my house. It is not unusual for me to rearrange furniture in every room at least 6 - 10 times each year...no joke.
I rearrange my classroom seating every two weeks. Also, I cannot have my desks in the traditional rows (one behind the next) for the simple reason I need them to be straight. Creative seating arrangements is the name of the game. The ironic part of this is that other teachers come to my room to see how I have arranged the desks, and they will copy it.
Everyone, including myself, jokes about the constant rearranging of desks in my classroom. No one really knows or understands that it is part of my OCD, and I like it that way.
Your OCD seems rather mild - it's not like you cannot leave your bedroom until your bed is made perfectly (taking hours to accomplish.) Do not consider medications - the side effects far outweigh the benefits they offer. Revel in the fact that your OCD manifestations make you more of a curiosity than a threat.
Leave it posted, self observation is always healthy...
Post a Comment