News

My mother seems to have taken a step toward acceptance. In fact, if I am interpreting her words correctly, she may have finally acknowledged what I told her months ago.

We were talking in the car on the way home, and my mom brought up the subject of her and my father moving south. Then she mentioned that she didn't feel right being so far away from both of her children (because chances are both of us will end up not moving with them). She said something along the lines of "it's okay if you want to stay in massachusetts, at least you could get married if you found a life partner."

At this point, I was rather shocked. I was thinking 'did she really just say that?' She also said that she was sad that we weren't able to marry nationwide. I don't know how to explain how I felt about this... happy, I guess.

I have no idea what sparked this sudden shift in her. Maybe she looked at the text records or something >__________________>

Either way, it seems to be a step in the right direction.

P.S. I got a tetanus shot today. (Random blurb)

Sigh

My mom kind of pissed me off in the car today. She was going on and on about how she was going to live with me and clean my house for me. She said 'she would live in one wing of the house and "my wife and I" could live in the main building.' I was like.. wtf mom, no you are not going to live with me. She seems to have some kind of delusion that I'm going to live in a mansion or something. And the wife comment pissed me off because she put me through the stress of answering that question "do you think you're gay?" for the first time. I answered honestly, and she seems to have rejected my answer.

ARRGHHH

I didn't say anything to her, I simply shook my head.



P.S.
I always thought people were silly for claiming to have fallen in love over the internet.
:S

Pride Alliance

I finally found them at a meeting.

I think the best word to describe them was... um gay, lol. The gay guys there were of the type that couldn't hide it even if they wanted to.

I didn't really say much. I was sort of uncomfortable with the fact that I recognized two of the people there. They aren't people that I see on a daily basis though. Though, according to someone else in the group, they are both straight...


At one point in the meeting, one of the guys turned to me and said "Am I counting you?"

I was like... "er, what?"

And he said "Am I counting you as one of the straight people here?"

So I just smiled and said "no."

That's pretty much the all I said, except for my name.
Though, they did sort of piss me off a couple times... mostly stereotype things. They were talking about events and how all gay men like to dance. I was thinking to myself... but I -hate- dancing. They were also talking about lady gaga. I hate to point out to them that I don't listen to her. I mean really, am I the only gay guy that -doesn't- like music that's been stereotypically labeled as "gay guy music"?!

*sigh*

In other news, I walked back to my dorm from campus in that blizzard yesterday. Lets just say it's a 1.5 mile walk, and my inner thigh muscles have been sore all day today.

Almost.

I almost made a comment that totally would have outed me today.

I guess if I'm going to tell this story then I should first say that there are 3 bisexual girls in my classes. Everyone knows they are into girls as well, and... well, nobody cares. (So basically I'm not sure why I'm still so scared.)

Anyway, a few of us were sitting in the computer lab earlier today, and one of the girls was talking about how she could always point out all the guys that were gay when she was in high school, and that when they came out later in college, she was like 'it's about time.' To which I desperately wanted to respond with one of two comments:

"So, what about me? Am I gay?"
or
"So, can you tell that I am gay then?"

I almost did it. It was at the tip of my tongue. But I held back. I'm not sure why... it was a good opportunity to just do it and get it over with. *sigh* oh well. I might talk to her later when I'm more comfortable. I'm just not sure how these girls can be so comfortable with the idea of being attracted to the same sex. They talk about how they had crushes on certain girls in high school, and I'm just like... o_O thanks for sharing I guess...

But even if I did manage to come out at school, doing so to my family would be COMPLETELY different. I'm not sure that I can....

Epididymitis

So like a week ago my left testicle had a bit of pain in it. I thought maybe I was just being paranoid after reading Josh's blog posts about having pain down there and shrugged it off as imagined the first couple times. Then I was like okay maybe I slept on it wrong. But wednesday night (I was dog-sitting for my uncle at the time) it became a constant ache. And last night (thursday) I pretty much cried myself to sleep cause of the pain. So this morning I went to the doctor, and it turns out I have epididymitis, which is apparently inflammation caused by some kind of infection. So now I'm on an antibiotic and waiting for that to start bringing the pain level down.


In other news, my mom was telling me about how my father should take me to a strip club for my 21st birthday. And all I said was 'no.' And she said 'why you might like it, you never know' and I just said 'no.' She wouldn't freaking just let it go! I'm like wtf.

I'm considering confronting her about it. I had formed this conversation in my head with me saying something like this:
"Look, you put me in an incredibly uncomfortable position when you asked me if I was gay in the car, and I gave you an honest answer. But you don't seem to be able to believe me. When you made that comment about going to a strip club for my birthday, I was insulted. If Cindy wasn't there I would have said something to you, but instead I held my tongue. I wish you would just accept me instead of hoping I will become someone I'm not."

I know, it's not exactly perfect. If you guys have any advice that would be great...

hugs

ps. Cindy is my mum's friend who came down from Maine, she's been staying in our camper out in the yard with her 3 daughters. Ugh, girls are kind of annoying.

What.

So, I didn't post it here but I went to see Transformers 2 last week :P I liked it.

But during the previews, someone did something (I can't remember exactly what) and I said "I would never do that." So my mom turns to me and says "Why? The girls like it."
And I was like
.......................

Why the hell would I lie about something like this? I mean, she asked ME, it's not like I went to her and told her! If she's not going to believe me when I say yes then why the fuck did she ask me in the first place?

ARGH
I'm frustrated.


Oh and tomorrow is July 4th, so Happy Independence Day for all the US bloggers :)

I'll try to get some more dragon photos in my next post, I've been lazy about them...

hugs

I didn't exactly plan to tell my mother.........

But it just happened D:

My mom and I were joking while we waited for our pizza outside the pizza place, and for some reason she brought up the fact that one of her friends once asked her if I was gay. Well that kind of set off an alarm bell that maybe I do set off gaydar >.<

So she proceeded to tell me how she explained that she was pretty sure I'm not gay. Then she straight out asked me if I was gay. I mean come on, how is that a fair question -_- so after several minutes of uncomfortable silence, I said yes. I was like 'come on, it's been 8 years.' When I was 12 I was really confused. And she said that if I'm confused that I should see a psychiatrist and find out the truth.

Granted, I'm not confused, lol. I think she was kind of disbelieving, she didn't seem to believe me >.<

But she did say that even if I'm gay it doens't change who I am. So at least she is accepting. I'm still not sure if she actually believes me or not -_-

hugs

Hmmm

So it's come to my attention that I kind of gave out a lot of information, lol. I'm not "out" so... yeah. I am fairly certain that I'm the only engineering major in my school named Jeremy, so if anyone from my school happened upon this, they would likely know exactly who I am.

It might end up getting me outed.

But you know what?

I don't care.

I hate being closeted anyway, so if it happens, then it happens. I'll just deal with it. I like to think I'm a pretty calm person. It takes quite a lot to get me truly pissed... so yeah. I'm pretty confident in my ability to deal with stress.

Although school already puts quite a bit of stress on me, lol. If I don't drink my few cups of tea a day, I get pretty bad headaches -_- but that's just caffeine withdrawls, which is a totally different issue lol.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now.

hugs

Quandary?

So I have what I can only describe as a quandary (though I'm still not sure if that is the right word...)
My mom always asks me when she is going to get grandchildren to spoil, she had quite a habit of mentioning it...... and I've never had it in my heart to tell her about my sexuality -_-
She hasn't mentioned it in quite a while though...


Another thing I've noticed is that I have no idea if my sexuality is blatantly obvious or not. >.> I noticed that I like to sit with my legs crossed all the time, and I never see any other boys sit like that. Ever. I just would like to know if my mannerisms point it out to everyone >.>


One last thing (yet slightly more happy lol)
There is this really cute boy in my Diff EQs class... I just want to tackle and hug him haha
Unfortunately jumping on someone I don't know that well might raise some suspicions XD
I've spoken to him a couple times, and he's nice.. but I don't think he's gay though D:

hugs