I seem to be having familial problems. This is the letter that I composed to attempt to start healing the situation. I don't know what to do now. Apparently my father is under the impression that I hate him.
Dad,
You shouldn't think that I hate you. You're my father, of course I love you.
One time, you were talking to my brother about body hair. You said, and I quote, "and then there are the fucking fags that shave it." Don't try to say that you never said that, because it was that sentence more than anything that made me afraid to talk to you. Because, Dad, I guess I am a "fucking fag." It was that sentence that left me with the feeling that you would hate me if you found out. As for recent irritability... well, let's just say that if you loved someone, and then they were torn away from you, I bet you wouldn't exactly be a happy person either.
I wanted to say all of this to your face, but I don't think that I am strong enough. I have enough trouble just writing it down. If you can find it in your heart to still love me then maybe one day we can talk about it, but I just can't do it right now. I have been stressed and depressed and just want to be left alone to try to heal.
Love,
Jeremy
P.S. I really am sorry about the kick. I understand that you want to maintain some kind of relationship with me (at least, I hope you still do), but... can it please be one where I don't have to feel like you are going to do something at some point whenever we are in the same room? Please?
15 comments:
Wow, I didn't know you were going through this. I like the letter as it tries to stay with the facts and do as little finger-pointing as possible.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, Jer. *hugs* My dad made a lot of comments exactly like that in the past, and now he's one of my biggest allies. A lot of people say things they don't really mean, and then they realize how foolish those things sound when they find themselves in a situation where they have to consider what they say.
It's a very good letter. Now it's up to him whether everything is okay, or there are things to discuss, or he wants no more to do with you. I'd be very surprised if it were the last. I think this will get a good conversation going. I certainly hope so.
I wish you all the best, Jeremy. I know it's not easy. *hugs*
sux dude but just love from over here.
I agree.
As you have said yourself it was not easy to write but I think you can be reasonably confident that it sits part way between saying 'please Dad be nice, I love you' and 'if you can't be nice then I can't deal with you.'
I reckon that's where you should be.
i think it comes across as a very loving letter from someone who is hurting and think he would read it like that as well. I hope it has the effect of sorting things about between you both.
Take Care
James
x
A short and powerful letter. To say that it must've taken you a lot of courage and willpower to write it would likely be an understatement.
I hope everything ends well for you. I hope you get the resolution you seek. I wish you the very best.
::HUGS::
Jeremy
Sorry to hear this and i do hope you can work things out with your dad
If there is anything i can do to help you help p[lease dont hesitate to ask
take care and be safe
bob
Glad you decided to post again. The world of gay OCD bloggers is already small enough.
Have no right to say this but *hugs*
Dude, nice. I'm gonna put up a link to this blog on my blog http://bymaddylee.blogspot.com/. Mine is pretty negative; I suggest not going there at the moment. Good luck with the situation. Haha, I'm listening to the poet and the pendulum right now...
Hey are you still around? I hope this finds you well and safe, and have a happy holiday.
*hugs*
I hope you are doing OK and that in 2011 you receive the love you deserve.
Tom
Yes, I am alright. Thank you for your concern... I've been busy.
Hi! It's Sethboyardee here. Sorry to be rude and drop this comment here a bit selfish of me, and completely off subject - but I've recently returned to blog land after being killed by Google and was hoping you could mention me, follow me, and especially link to me.
sethboyardee2.blogspot.com
Thanks!!!
Also I will be rebuilding my link list so let me know if I can reciproacte. Thanks again!!
Have a good one!r
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